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Reasons Squirt is Better Than Religion

10. Nobody has ever been killed or burned to death over their choice of Ruby Red or Regular Squirt.

9. If you have a Squirt you don't go knocking door to door trying to give it away.

8. You don't have to wait more than 2000 years for a second Squirt.

7. No Wars were ever started over Squirt. (Desert Storm was NOT a war, it was only a skirmish)

6. Squirt is never forced upon minors who cannot make decisions for themselves.

5. Squirt doesn't make you feel guilty for having fun.

4. There are laws saying that Squirt labels can't lie to you.

3. Squirt is only 75 cents, while religion is usually ten percent of your budget.

2. There are no Squirt Cult (we don't count, we follow the great god Squirticus).

1. If you've dedicated your life to Squirt there are groups to help you stop.